After the evidence room
by BlueNynaeve
Summary: Esposito second guesses his chat with Beckett in the evidence room and finds himself looking for support from Lanie.


After leaving Beckett in the evidence room, Lieutenant Javier Esposito made his way down to the morgue, Dr. Lanie Parish's domain. Talking Kate into holding the sniper rifle and showing his understanding had not hurt him nor had it ripped open his own internal wounds, but it had made him nervous, sort of like when he felt… itchy. And when he felt itchy, there had only been one woman in his thoughts for the last two plus years.

When he saw her petite form bent over the body of Sarah Vasquez, his heart settled. He had not even realized his own levels of agitation, until her presence soothed them away. He knew he no longer had claim on her heart, but he could not stop himself from wanting to get closer, crawl into her really and never leave.

Javi pushed open the glass and steel door, entering only a few steps to lean a hip against an empty gurney, arms crossed over his chest.

She did not look around as she hollered out, "Bus-yyyyy. Leave a note on my desk and I'll call you later."

"Take your time, querida." As soon as the endearment left his lips, he wished he could take it back. She was going to light into him for inappropriate behavior at work. He fastened his eyes on her brown leather pumps, determined to avoid the riot if at all possible.

To his surprise, she just hummed absent-mindedly and said. "Javi. Should have known you would come down here and mess up my orderly day."

He did not reply, but lifted his eyes, drinking in the curves he could barely make out beneath her shapeless lab coat. He could feel his shoulders and back slowly getting tenser as he fought against his need to go wrap himself around and in her. After about five minutes of silence, punctuated by the occasional dictation and wet-slap of organs on the scale, she remembered his presence and realized there had been no rejoinder.

When she half-turned to peer over her shoulder at him, he dropped his eyes back to her shoes. Something in his stance must have alarmed her, because she immediately discarded her gloves and came over to stand toe to toe. At that distance, he could no longer keep his gaze on her shoes, so he shifted to look unseeing over her right shoulder.

"Javi! What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything is fine. I just needed a break is all."

She studied his face in silence for a moment. Then she reached up with both hands and framed his face, not demanding he look at her, just softly resting against him.

"Baby." At her endearment, his eyes snapped to her worried brown ones. "What's wrong?"

He could not stop himself from telling her. "I just left Kate with the gun that shot her. I think she'll be okay now." He knew he had done the right thing, knew it down to his bones. But still his own lingering PTSD doubts crowded his mind.

It felt like Lanie could see right through him. He kept his eyes on hers, even though something, he cringed to think it might be tears, began to cloud his vision. After what felt like eons in a second, like when one snaps alert while driving long boring stretches, she drew his head down to her shoulder, wrapping her arms about his shoulders, drawing him into a secure hug. "You did the right thing, baby."

He fumbled his arms apart and around her, feeling like he was vibrating to pieces from his core outward. "I... you... I can't... querida..." He stammered out until she mercifully interrupted his incoherencies with a soft shush.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay. You're safe. You're here. Sh, baby, sh. You're okay." He could feel her words against his neck more than he could hear them over the white noise in his head. But it was okay, because she kept repeating them over and over until he could hear her again. He rested against her, just breathing in-out-in-out, every distant impulse to leave her embrace a jagged shard that sent his thoughts skittering back into blankness.

Some unknown time later, when her words had faded to silent puffs of breath against his skin, she spoke again.

"Javi. My arms are falling asleep."

He chuckled against her neck, reluctantly drawing back just enough to allow her arms to slide down along his own. Calm again, he smiled down at her. "I know I'm okay. I just... I read some of the things that people have done to the people closest to them while suffering PTSD and I don't want to hurt anyone. Not you. Not Kate or Ryan or Castle."

She reached up with clumsy fingers to wipe the tears off her cheeks and the not-tears-sweat off his. "Oh Javi. Sometimes we all do stupid things to hurt each other even without PTSD. If Kate talked with you about the gun, then she's starting to heal and you did the right thing. And you've never hurt me. Except when you get your inconsiderate self injured."

She paused and took a deep breath. "Now. Are you going to be okay?"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, querida. I'm fine." Now that he had started again, he could not stop himself from using the endearment on her. He tried hard to keep the puppy dog eyes off his face as he pasted a smirk on.

"Well, back to the case." He could see by the skeptical quirk of her eyebrow and the compression of her lips that she wasn't buying it.

"Baby. Don't do that. What do you need?"

His shoulders slumped and he braced himself for rejection. "Would you come over tonight?"

Only her wide eyes betrayed her shock at the question. It had been a long lonely three months since they had squabbled over that thoughtless question posed by Ryan's fiancée Jenny. He had honored her request to "take a break" and somehow the time had stretched into something closer to a break up. But when she opened her pretty lips, what came out was, "Sure, baby. What time?"

He did not know how it happened, but he found himself kissing her, spearing his hands through the smooth bun at the back of her head to pull her closer. He would have worried that this kiss would change her mind, except that she already had his shirt untucked from his pants and had splayed her hands across his back, dipping her fingertips underneath his belt along his spine. When he finally pulled himself away from her smiling lips, he knew he had a smug look on his face.

"Okay. Okay. Seven?" he asked in a husky voice.

"Mmmmhmmm." She looked a little dazed, but she pulled herself from his arms and began putting her hair back up. Stepping away, she continued determinedly, "Now go away and leave me to the rest of my day."

He shot her a grin and strutted out. He was still... itchy... as he headed upstairs to his desk, but now he knew it was going to be fun scratching.

* * *

><p><em>AN: After I saw "Kill Shot" I could picture this scene so clearly, even though I know that the producers would never let Esposito get emotional like he did here. Obviously I would really like for these two to get back together - they were so funny when they were dating. And as much as I love Kate and Castle together, I prefer them as friends - Javi and Lanie should provide the uncertain romance._

_I have no experience with PTSD. Apologies if I have misrepresented the disorder in any way._


End file.
